Relationships, Soul Growth and Shadow Work

There’s one thing I am sure of: we have not come to this earth to just get by. We came here to flourish and blossom as a soul and relationships can help us do so.If we dare to let them.

Ohad Pele, Relationship & Intimacy Expert

Feb 18, 2021

There’s one thing I am sure of: we have not come to this earth to just get by. We came here to flourish and blossom as a soul and relationships can help us do so.

If we dare to let them.

One can say that Love is the food of the soul. Since we are all made of love at our deep core, love nourishes and sustains our being. That’s why babies need to be loved in order to keep alive. The hunger for love is so strong that as children we tend to conform to what is expected of us so we can get our love dose. We so badly need love that we seek it in the conditional love of people around us, who usually fail to see our unique soul.

When we grow up and form love relationships with a significant other, we know deep inside that this might be an opportunity for our soul to be seen and fully recognised.

But then all our shadows come out too…

“When love is present, everything that is unloved is coming forth to meet it and be healed” said my teachers. For this reason, all our shadows can come up to the surface, especially when strong love is present in a relationship. 

A ‘shadow’, a term coined by psychoanalyst Carl Jung, is any aspect of ourselves that we do not like to identify with. Because we find these aspects distasteful, unwelcome or foreign, they get pushed into the shadows. Those rejected aspects of us actually yearn to be met with love and acceptance, but at the same time they can hardly trust love, so when they meet love they immediately test it.

Many people can love us when we shine — when we are smiling, feeling empowered and certain. It’s easy to love a person when they’re shining.... But will our beloved love us through our shadows too? Will our beloved give their love for our weaker, more vulnerable, darker parts? Will they see us deep —deeper than the shadows—into the purity of our soul?

When our partners see deep into our soul they don’t buy into our victim stories nor are they blinded by our shadow-demonstrations. When their loving gaze is fierce enough to pierce through the drama and beyond the shadows, we feel really seen. This love can heal.

Unfortunately, many relationships fail at this point by not being able to see the soul of the other when old patterns and triggers are activated. Many of us feel that if we see the shadows of the other we see into their depth. Many forget that there are levels deeper than the shadows: a divine soul that its light is sometimes actually shining through the cracks in the personality more than through the places where we feel whole.

When our love relationships become just another place where we must conform, compromise and perform in order to be accepted our soul is deeply insulted. At this point many people give up, shelter themselves and protect their hearts. Many people’s souls are lonely within a relationship. 

What makes relationships Sacred is when we allow each other to authentically bare our souls and live soulfully together, day by day. In Sacred Relating we do not ask our beloveds to conform and “be normal” because the soul is not “normal” at all — it is utterly unique, and we are here to let it SHINE!

Art by Barby Buenrostro Ramirez

Ohad Pele, Relationship & Intimacy Expert

Ohad Pele is a Lead Facilitator with the International School of Temple Arts and has been teaching Kabbalah, Sacred Sexuality and Conscious Relating for more than 30 years. He is a world-renowned mystic, published author, artist, musician and creator of the 'Shadow Animal Cards'.

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