The Art of Intellectual Intimacy

There can be an erotic charge between two minds — have you experienced this before? Philosophical and logical discourse is a kind of intimacy.

Ellowen, Musician, writer and warrior of Love

Humans are beautifully diverse. We think differently, learn differently, behave differently and communicate differently. So, naturally, every time two or more people come together, the space between them has its very own flavour.

One of the reasons we communicate is to bring us closer to each other. Intimacy emerges from this closeness — into-me-you-see.

Some people may consider themselves sapiosexual, meaning they're attracted to intelligence. Perhaps you can identify with that, or perhaps not, but you likely experience different types of attraction, and, therefore, the different types of intimacy that follow.

Eros is the drive to create, to bring things together. When we talk about Eros, we often talk about sexual Eros, but it really implies a flow of energy that brings life; it's the drive that’s behind creativity, emotional or mental connections, too.

There can be an erotic charge between two minds — have you experienced this before? Perhaps you've felt when you've met someone for the first time like you have so much to say, like you could keep talking all day and night and never run out of steam?

Or, do you have people in your life who you just love a good debate with — where you feel free to express what you think and know your opinions are being heard and valued? This kind of dialogue — from the Greek dialogos, to see through to meaning — is stimulating and fosters intimacy. Through it, you get to know things about yourself, realize things you wouldn’t have realized alone, explore angles that you wouldn't have otherwise considered...

Not only are you becoming more intimate with the other person — their ideas, thoughts and unique expression — you’re also becoming more intimate with yourself, and with life itself.

So, how to explore and invite more intellectual intimacy?

  1. First be curious about it. If you know what it feels like to run sexual energy with someone, or what a sexual charge feels like, start seeing the flow of ideas and mental energy as erotic, also. Broaden your intimacy horizon — when we’re not just searching for one kind of intimacy, we open up to all kinds. Let your mind be turned on by other minds.

    See philosophical or logical discourse as a kind of love-making.
  2. Practice deep listening and surrender. When we're in a state of true listening and open-mindedness, we're in a state of surrender — this is the magic place where new ideas and realizations can come through. When we’re not trying to control everything, we’re able to really let the moment surprise us (just like in the best lovemaking). In conversation, try listening without immediately applying your judgements and attempting to control. Let it all in and see what surprises you find.
  3. Share yourself fully. Don’t hold back. Welcome both agreement and disagreement equally — a healthy flow of ideas, even conflicting ones, should feel like they expand the mind. Just try to stay open-hearted, and receive the other side without growing defensive.  Another practice. Enjoy it! 

Ellowen, Musician, writer and warrior of Love

Ellowen is an Irish musician, priestess and warrior of Love, with a devotion to everyday creativity, landing temples and bringing Lua culture to the world through many magical mediums. Find her at @thisisellowen &

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