For many people, being in a relationship is a sign of success, especially when it comes to long term relationships.
The problem is that when we take our relationship as a sign of success, it also means we take the ending of our relationship as a sign of failure.
A friend recently called me because his ten year relationship was on the verge of ending. He felt depressed. He told me, “my marriage is dissolving and it makes me feel like I’ve failed in life!” Even though he and his partner are still good friends and can separate on good terms, even though they are such loving and mature people...
Have you felt that way after a break up?
I told my friend what I believe we all need to hear: your success is that you loved at all. When you love deeply, you surrender to love itself. That love is more than ‘ordinary’ — it transcends time and space. In other words, the love you shared is eternal. This eternity can not and should not be measured by time. It is so much above time.
“Did you feel that kind of love?” I asked him.
He paused, as something stirred inside him. “Yes,” he replied.
“Well,” I said, “then your love is and was a success! Regardless of how long you stayed together. On the other hand, if you stay together because of fear or ‘shoulds’, this will be a failure! If you had continued, you would become resentful towards each other, growing bitter until you hated each other.
If you are authentic now and your authenticity draws you apart, you and your ex can still be best friends as you are. You can separate in love, rather in fear.
If you succeed in not only having a long term relationship, but also in ending it on time when there is still love and authenticity, then YOU ARE A SUCCESS STORY.
As my mother in law said, "it is not how long we loved, but that we loved at all!"
I totally agree.
Love can not be measured. When we touch love, our hearts touch something unexplainable, something unknown. This is infinite.
The shame that people have about breaking up or divorcing is a residue of the old religious belief, "till death do us part". Religions weakened people and controlled them using fear, shame and guilt. It’s time we let go of these beliefs, along with the fear of failing to prolong a relationship that’s already dead.
It is about time we value love itself, and when it asks us to part, celebrate it as a success. Knowing how to separate in a real loving way is as important as knowing how to be together in love.
Ohad Pele is an intimacy expert and has been teaching Kabbalah, Sacred Sexuality and Conscious Relating for more than 30 years. He is a world-renowned mystic, published author, artist, musician and creator of the 'Shadow Animal Cards'.
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